If you internally recoil every time a Forbes 30 Under 30 List launches, once again reminded of society’s raging boner for the intersection of youth and achievement, consider that commercial success isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. Someone with a flush bank account can still struggle with basic life skills or general emotional intelligence, so there’s no reason to beat yourself up just because you’re 27 with no money and no prospects. Take a deep breath and remember: you could be like Jonathan Cheban — 51 and never been likable!
The queen of daytime TV admitted that she has no idea how to pump gas, and at 71, she’ll probably never have to. Unless there’s a zombie apocalypse and she’s forced to flee Montecito sans personal driver. The Last Of Us season 3???
It took peer pressure on a late-night show to get 40-year-old Tom Brady to eat a strawberry for the first time in his entire life. A strawberry only has one carb, Tom! You can have one as a little treat.
Despite owning a garage full of cars worth more than the entire GDP of my hometown, Cardi B can’t legally take any of them for a joy ride without a license. She can, however, pose with them for thirst traps, and that’s what matters.
You’d think someone worth millions of dollars would be a frequent flyer at the bank, but Erika had never deposited a check until age 48, leaving it all to her then-husband Tom Girardi. The rest is unfortunate, fraudulent history. . .
An irrational fear of scraping her knees prevented Sarah from ever learning to ride a bike. I find that if you get your limbs insured for $40M, fear of minor abrasions melts away.
No Grammys or Michelin Stars — not even the number one guy in his friend group. Tom has never won anything, losing on every conceivable reality competition, from The Traitors to Special Forces to The Masked Singer. (He did lip-sync his way to first prize in his third-grade talent show, though).
Never has she ever sold a 75 million dollar house. (Too soon?)
Yes, it’s tired territory, but you know we can’t let Kendall sneak by with #CucumberGate scot-free. But now that we think about it, we wouldn’t put it past Kris Jenner to mastermind the whole meme as part of a shady brand deal with Big Gourd.
Drinking MGK’s blood in a witchy twin flame ritual? Totally kosher. Sleeping without a night light? Off the table.
Our favorite Lord has never had a real job — outside of modeling for horse girl books in his teen years (pls Google it) and his infamous three-day stint at a barbershop, of course.
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