HAVE
YOUR FIRST KISS AT 28
MOOCH OFF PARENTS’ NETFLIX ACCOUNT
spend another year alone
pop your cherry
RENT FIRST APARTMENT WITHOUT MOLD
SEND ‘U UP’ TEXT AT 32
beg for advice
taxes due: call dad
order a klarna burrito
SHAVE ABOVE THE KNEE
make your own doctor's appointment
career change (again)
LATE BLOOMERS OVER 30
Fame doesn’t come without a price, and that price is twofold: the LA mansion tax and the inability to master basic civilian life skills.
late bloomer library
How To Swipe Your V-Card With Confidence
These are the five comfiest positions for first-timers.
Hot Take: It's Not A Red Flag If You've Never Been In A Relationship Before
God forbid a woman have standards.
Why I'm Glad I Was A Late Bloomer
The duckling-to-swan pipeline exists for a reason.
If you find yourself in a perpetual state of waiting — waiting for a Glen Powell lookalike to slide into your DMs, waiting for that big promotion for the third year running, waiting for side parts to finally come back into style — you might be vulnerable enough to rely on tarot cards to illuminate the universe’s grand plans for you.
Get a reading
Help! Am I Too Old To Switch Careers?!
Betches staff shares how they pivoted to their #girlboss dream jobs.
pop your cherry
have your first kiss at 28
spend another year alone
MOOCH OFF YOUR PARENTs' NETFLIX ACCOUNT
28 And Never Been Kissed: A Painfully True Story
How I psyched myself out of locking lips for nearly three decades.
The 'Care And Keeping Of You' Girlies Were Absolutely Late Bloomers
CLICK ON EACH TILE FOR MORE
Do you always conspicuously leave the room to “grab another beer” when a round of Never Have I Ever starts? Would you perjure yourself in the court of law to avoid admitting that you never learned to ride a bike? Are you still waiting for your boobs to come in? If you answered “yes” to any of the above, you may be a Late Bloomer.
While you aren’t entitled to financial compensation, we strongly encourage you to peruse our Late Bloomers issue, where you can find emotional validation, shared experiences, and practical advice on how to avoid
yet another year living as a virgin who can’t drive.
The Dreaded Body Count Convo As A Late Bloomer
"What's your number?" is a nightmare question.
beg for
advice
realize it's okay to be a late bloomer
Subscribe to our Pop Off Newsletter - it's cheaper than therapy & twice as fun.
now it's YOUR MOVE.
which Pop culture late bloomer are you?
Find Out Which Late Bloomer Matches Your Origin Story
Not everyone peaks in high school, and thank god for that. A debilitating awkward phase is a rite of passage suffered by anyone who’s ever grown up to have a personality and a sense of humor. Luckily, “ugly ducklings” who just happen to look like Anne Hathaway are one of pop culture’s favorite tropes, reminding us that if you simply invest in contacts or a Brazilian blowout, a glowup can be right around the corner.
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Shopping time! Whose advice is most important in choosing a new fit?
1/10
The niche lil groups I follow on TikTok.
My mom!! Preferably matching outfits.
I have the best style, my bestie comes to me for advice.
Whatever my friends tell me to wear.
You find bubblegum-flavored condoms in your locker...
2/10
Ugh, I’m reporting the AV Team to the principal AGAIN.
Omg, lol, that’s so weird. I guess I’ll keep them for college??
HAHAHHA NO BIG
DEAL HAHAHA I TOTALLY DON’T CARE!!!
I’m finding out who did this!
Where can you be found in
the cafeteria?
3/10
I prefer eating in the art room with the actually decent people.
With some friends from theater or band.
Wherever I choose to sit, people will follow.
I’m just ‘one of the guys,’ so probably with the boys.
In the yearbook, you were voted...
4/10
Most Likely to Be President
Most Liked By Parents
Most Likely to Hit Someone With Their Car
Most Likely to Never Be Single
It’s your first week at college, you…
5/10
Join all the clubs — Anime Drawing, UFO Spotters, Future Leaders of America…
Try everything! Try everyone!
Frat parties aren’t my thing. I prefer civilized hangouts.
Get drunk and go streaking with the Omega Delta boys — lol!
Your high school reunion is coming up!! What’s the plan?
6/10
I’m nervous, but hopefully people appreciate who I’ve become.
I’ll probably wear the dress I wore for prom!
I’m organizing it, duh!
My BFF is dragging me there…I won’t even bother with makeup.
This is your Instagram post with
the most likes.
7/10
My SHE-E-O post #girlboss.
This totally random pic of me in a dress, lol.
Oh, just a carousel of eight photos of me in Ibiza.
My “candid” engagement photos on the beach.
What’s your TikTok algorithm
filled with?
8/10
Excerpts from podcasts on productivity and success.
BookTok.
Real Housewives drama.
I only watch Instagram reels.
You’ve got a date on Friday night! How did you meet them?
9/10
LinkedIn
Feeld
Bumble
Tinder
You’re immediately voice noting
your bestie, because…
10/10
I got the promotion!
Another FWB just told me he’s in love with me. Why does this always happen?!
I lost my virginity! I wonder what our wedding will be like…
I kissed my guy best friend who is in a relationship! Oops!
RETAKE QUIZ
YOU ARE...
Shoshanna Shapiro (GIRLS)
Growing up is realizing that Shoshanna was the best damn character in Girls. By the end of the series, she’s matured from a nervous ball of energy to the most self-assured of the otherwise toxic friend group. Maybe you’ve traded in your peplum tops for chic sweater vests or finally moved on from fake friends — either way, you’re ambitious and refuse to take anyone’s shit.
RETAKE QUIZ
YOU ARE...
Kimberly Finkel (The Sex Lives Of College Girls)
Many viewers of SLOCG have expressed surprise at just how much Kimberly pulls as a naive, earnest, bumbling fool. Girlie is smashing it in the bedroom consistently despite being painfully awkward — legit, her scenes make me scream. If you are getting boned on the daily despite being a social pariah in high school, you’ve discovered the brand of weird that makes you hot.
RETAKE QUIZ
YOU ARE...
Cher (clueless)
Cher initially seems like she has it all together as her school’s glamorous HBIC. But she was taken down with one swift blow by Tai’s iconic read, “You're a virgin who can't drive." You spent your teen years with fake-it-till-you-make-it confidence while secretly dealing with insecurities, but just like Cher made it work (with her stepbrother), you did too — hopefully less incestuously!
RETAKE QUIZ
YOU ARE...
Belly (The Summer I Turned Pretty)
A Belly late bloomer is a fake late bloomer — suddenly becoming hot at 16 and juggling multiple love interests is a dream, not an embarrassment. You were filling your bra with ease when the rest of us relied on wads of tissue. You rounded second base when your friends were reading the WikiHow page for French kissing. You’re ahead of the curve, so cherish that founding father energy.
taxes due: call dad
They were low-key giving prude.
Fame doesn’t come without a price, and that price is twofold: the LA mansion tax and the inability to master basic civilian life skills.
LATE BLOOMERS OVER 30
If you find yourself in a perpetual state of waiting — waiting for a Glen Powell lookalike to slide into your DMs, waiting for that big promotion for the third year running, waiting for side parts to finally come back into style — you might be vulnerable enough to rely on tarot cards to illuminate the universe’s grand plans for you.
Get a reading
Hot Take: It's Not A Red Flag If You've Never Been In A Relationship Before
God forbid a woman have standards.
Why I'm Glad I Was A Late Bloomer
The duckling-to-swan pipeline exists for a reason.
'The Care And Keeping Of You' Girlies Were Absolutely Late Bloomers
They were ow-key giving prude.
beg for
advice
order a klarna burrito
beg for
advice
taxes due: call dad
SEND ‘U UP’ TEXT AT 32
taxes due: call dad
taxes due: call dad
CLICK
ME!
Shopping time! Whose advice is most important in choosing a new fit?
1/10
The niche lil groups I follow on TikTok.
My mom!! Preferably matching outfits.
I have the best style, my bestie comes to me for advice.
Whatever my friends tell me to wear.
Shopping time! Whose advice is most important in choosing a new fit?
1/10
The niche lil groups I follow on TikTok.
My mom!! Preferably matching outfits.
I have the best style, my bestie comes to me for advice.
Whatever my friends tell me to wear.
Shopping time! Whose advice is most important in choosing a new fit?
1/10
The niche lil groups I follow on TikTok.
My mom!! Preferably matching outfits.
I have the best style, my bestie comes to me for advice.
Whatever my friends tell me to wear.
You find bubblegum-flavored condoms in your locker
2/10
Ugh, I’m reporting the AV Team to the principal AGAIN.
Omg, that’s so weird. I guess I’ll keep them for college??
HAHAH NO BIG DEAL HAHAHA I TOTALLY DON’T CARE!!!
I’m finding out who did this!
It’s your first week at college, you…
5/10
Join all the clubs — Anime, UFO Spotters, Future Leaders of America…
Try everything! Try everyone!
Frat parties aren’t my thing. I prefer civilized hangouts.
Get drunk and go streaking with the Omega Delta boys — lol!
Your high school reunion is coming up!! What’s the plan?
6/10
I’m nervous, but hopefully people appreciate who I’ve become.
I’ll probably wear the dress I wore for prom!
I’m organizing it, duh!
My BFF is dragging me there…I won’t even bother with makeup.
In the yearbook, you’re voted...
4/10
Most Likely To Be President
Most Liked By Parents
Most Likely To Hit Someone With Their Car
Most Likely To Never Be Single
In the yearbook, you’re voted...
4/10
Most Likely To Be President
Most Liked By Parents
Most Likely To Hit Someone With Their Car
Most Likely To Never Be Single
It’s your first week at college, you…
5/10
Join all the clubs — Anime, UFO Spotters, Future Leaders of America…
Try everything! Try everyone!
Frat parties aren’t my thing. I prefer civilized hangouts.
Get drunk and go streaking with the Omega Delta boys — lol!
YOU ARE...
Shoshanna Shapiro (GIRLS)
Growing up is realizing that Shoshanna was the best damn character in Girls. By the end of the series, she’s matured from a nervous ball of energy to the most self-assured of the otherwise toxic friend group. Maybe you’ve traded in your peplum tops for chic sweater vests or finally moved on from fake friends — either way, you’re ambitious and refuse to take anyone’s shit.
RETAKE QUIZ
YOU ARE...
Shoshanna Shapiro (GIRLS)
Growing up is realizing that Shoshanna was the best damn character in Girls. By the end of the series, she’s matured from a nervous ball of energy to the most self-assured of the otherwise toxic friend group. Maybe you’ve traded in your peplum tops for chic sweater vests or finally moved on from fake friends — either way, you’re ambitious and refuse to take anyone’s shit.
RETAKE QUIZ
YOU ARE...
Kimberly Finkel (The Sex Lives Of COllege Girls)
Many viewers of SLOCG have expressed surprise at just how much Kimberly pulls as a naive, earnest, bumbling fool. Girlie is smashing it in the bedroom consistently despite being painfully awkward — legit, her scenes make me scream. If you are getting boned on the daily despite being a social pariah in high school, you’ve discovered the brand of weird that makes you hot.
RETAKE QUIZ