Your Ultimate Guide to Paid Leave
Exactly How to Ask for Parental Leave, According to a Lawyer
Because yes, there is a right way to do it.
by Robin Hilmantel
Fact-checked by Caroline Picard | September 17, 2024
One in four moms are concerned about their job security after maternity leave, according to a recent What to Expect study. One of the best ways to protect your job? To ask for leave in the right way, says Daphne Delvaux, a trial attorney and workplace expert who specializes in helping moms navigate their workplace rights.
Before you tell your boss you’re pregnant, you’ll want to check if the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) applies to you, and if you might be eligible for additional leave, based on your state’s laws. The employee handbook should be your last stop, once you’re already confident in your legal rights. What you’re looking for there is if you might be eligible for additional leave or payment.
Have all of that information ready? Plan on talking to your boss in person, then following up via email (you can use similar talking points for both). Delivering the news face-to-face (or at least Zoom to Zoom) helps give it a more personal touch — which can minimize your odds of experiencing retaliation. But you also want an email chain verifying that you shared the news with your employer. Make sure to send that email as soon as possible after your conversation, and BCC your personal email account so that you have access to it even if you get cut off from your work email for some reason.
Choose your script. You are:
Pregnant
A non-birthing parent
Someone without rights to any leave
What to say if you’re pregnant
I have some exciting news to share with you: I’m pregnant! I’m currently [INSERT NUMBER] weeks along. I don’t anticipate needing any accommodations at this time, but I wanted to tell you on the earlier side to give as much notice as possible, and so that I can start working with you sooner rather than later to ensure that all of my projects and duties are delegated to other team members while I’m on leave.
Speaking of leave, I wanted to let you know that I did some research, and I believe the following statutes are about benefits I could take advantage of during my leave: [INSERT APPLICABLE LAWS].
I understand it’s hard for companies to keep track of all of these laws, so I just wanted to do some research and have a conversation. I’m happy to follow up via email and send you more information about them so you can look into them more.
How can I find out what documentation I need to provide you with when I’m on leave to protect my job? And I understand that the laws I mentioned will be part of how I get paid during my leave — is there anything else I need to do to take advantage of our company’s paid leave program?
And as I mentioned, I’m planning on working in the coming months to make sure that everyone is clear on all of my responsibilities and how they can be handled until I return to work after my leave.
Thanks for being so supportive during this process.
What to say if you’re a non-birthing parent
I have some exciting news to share with you: My family is growing! We’re expecting a baby, due to arrive [insert due date or adoption date]. I wanted to tell you on the earlier side because I plan on taking some family bonding time, so I wanted to give as much notice as possible. I’ll also begin working on a coverage plan for all of my projects and duties sooner rather than later to ensure they’re delegated to other team members while I’m on leave.
Speaking of leave, I wanted to let you know that I did some research, and I believe the following statute is about benefits I could take advantage of during my leave: [insert applicable law].
I understand it’s hard for companies to keep track of all of these laws, so I just wanted to do some research and have a conversation. I’m happy to follow up via email and send you more information about them so you can look into them more.
How can I find out what documentation I need to provide you with when I’m on leave to protect my job? And I understand that the laws I mentioned will be part of how I get paid during my leave — is there anything else I need to do to take advantage of our company’s paid leave program?
And as I mentioned, I’m planning on working in the coming months to make sure that everyone is clear on all of my responsibilities and how they can be handled until I return to work after my leave.
Thanks for being so supportive during this process.
What to say if you’re someone without rights to any leave
I have some exciting news to share with you: I’m pregnant! I’m currently [INSERT NUMBER] weeks along. I don’t anticipate needing any accommodations at this time, but I wanted to tell you on the earlier side to give as much notice as possible. I also wanted to discuss me potentially taking some time off to recover and bond with my baby after the birth.
[I understand I may have rights under the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act, and I’d like to request a leave of absence as an accommodation for childbirth recovery.]
My understanding is that our company doesn’t currently have a family bonding policy. I am [also] planning on taking [INSERT NUMBER OF DAYS OR WEEKS] of my paid time off following the birth, and I’m grateful that we have that benefit for me to access. I did also want to ask if you’ve considered offering employees a family bonding policy that allows them to take extended time off after their child arrives, and that protects their job during that time.
I did some research, and there are a lot of benefits associated with giving employees leave, especially if it’s paid. For instance, companies that offer their employees paid leave benefit from higher productivity and employee satisfaction levels. And parents who can take advantage of paid leave are more likely to feel bonded with their baby and less likely to experience mental health issues. I realize this is a complicated topic and that you might not have had access to this information, so I’m happy to follow up with some of these details via email.
I also understand that it can feel difficult for companies to accommodate leave while protecting a new parent’s job, but I wanted to let you know that I’m committed to working with you to ensure that all of my projects and duties are delegated to other team members while I’m gone.
Please let me know if there’s any other information I can provide or anything else
I can do to help you think through offering paid family bonding time to our team members.
And as I mentioned, I’m planning on working in the coming months to make sure that everyone is clear on all of my responsibilities and how they can be handled until I return to work.
Thanks for being so supportive during this process.
Pro tip
It’s a good idea to tell your boss as soon as you know you’re pregnant because there are laws that protect pregnant employees.
Pro tip
If you do need accommodations, be sure to reference the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act when requesting them.
Pro tip
Again, telling your employer about your pregnancy gives you protected status, legally speaking. It allows you to ask for medical time off if your symptoms get too hard to work through. And if something unfortunate happens and you miscarry, you'll be much less likely to get fired for taking time off (which does happen, believe it or not).
Pro tip
Make it clear that you're going to help come up with a coverage plan to set a collaborative tone. This makes your employer less likely to resent you — or retaliate against you.
Pro tip
This is key — make sure that you look into FMLA and also state laws, not just your employee handbook.
Pro tip
Use the actual statute names here — not something more general like "maternity leave laws" or "parental leave laws."
Pro tip
This helps emphasize that you did your research to help your employer, not antagonize them.
Pro tip
Make sure to do this, and BCC your personal account, in case you need a paper trail later to prove that you disclosed your pregnancy.
Pro tip
Make sure you're giving documentation to your employer, not just a third-party company they might use to administer your leave.
Pro tip
You want to rely on leave laws, first and foremost, and then your company's paid leave policy last, since it can change from when you announce your pregnancy to when you go on leave.
Pro tip
It’s a good idea to tell your boss as soon as you know your family is growing. That way, if you do happen to lose the baby for some reason, you'll be much less likely to get fired for taking time off (which does happen, believe it or not).
Pro tip
Make it clear that you're going to help come up with a coverage plan to set a collaborative tone. This makes your employer less likely to resent you — or retaliate against you.
Pro tip
This is key — make sure that you look into FMLA and also state laws, not just your employee handbook.
Pro tip
Use the actual statute names here — not something more general like "maternity leave" laws or "parental leave laws.
Pro tip
This helps emphasize that you did your research to help your employer, not antagonize them.
Pro tip
Make sure to do this, and BCC your personal account, in case you need a paper trail later.
Pro tip
Make sure you're giving documentation to your employer, not just a third-party company they might use to administer your leave.
Pro tip
You want to rely on leave laws, first and foremost, and then your company's paid leave policy last, since it can change from when you announce your growing family to when you go on leave.
Pro tip
It’s a good idea to tell your boss as soon as you know you’re pregnant because there are laws that protect pregnant employees.
Pro tip
If you do need accommodations, be sure to reference the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act when requesting them.
Pro tip
Again, telling your employer about your pregnancy gives you protected status, legally speaking. Also, if you do happen to miscarry, you'll be much less likely to get fired for taking time off (which does happen, believe it or not)
Pro tip
Add this if you are eligible for the PWFA, which applies to all employees who work for employers with 15 or more employees.
Pro tip
Make sure to list the benefit to your employer first. This helps emphasize that you did your research to help your employer, not antagonize them.
Pro tip
Make sure to do this, and BCC your personal account, in case you need a paper trail later to prove that you disclosed your pregnancy.
Pro tip
Make it clear that you're going to help come up with a coverage plan to set a collaborative tone. This makes your employer less likely to resent you — or retaliate against you.
Sources
What to Expect, 2024 Paid Leave Study, July 2024.
U.S. Department of Labor, Fact Sheet #28: The Family and Medical Leave Act, February 2023.
Daphne Delvaux, J.D., The Liberated Mother Society.
WhatToExpect.com, How to Get Flexible Hours at Work During Pregnancy, June 2023.
These are scripts you can follow to tell your boss about your news — complete with annotations from Delvaux about why certain phrases are especially important.
