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At 95% ABV, this liquid has even more disinfectant power than Purell, plus all the intoxicating effects of an opioid slushie.
Everclear
Can light up the whole block during a blackout or knock a home invader off a fire escape in seconds flat.
Boring Company Flamethrower
Tough anti-static compostable fabric, high-level protection from contaminants, tight-fitting hood and boots to keep COVID-19 out for good.
HazMat Suit
Ignite the herbs and ward off evil spirits. Disclaimer: Not an actual disinfectant.
Sage Bundle
Bring out your inner warrior with this durable, hypo-allergenic yoga mat. Because in times of crisis, balance and flexibility can be a matter of life and death.
Yoga Mat
Keep your squad of overwrought snowflakes calm with these squishy playthings. Weighted blanket sold separately.
Stress-Relief Squishy Toy
End Times can wreak havoc on a good night’s sleep. Reset your natural nocturnal rhythms with this calming, restorative CBD cream.
CBD Topical Cream
Life under quarantine can get tedious. These high-THC gummies fight the stress of life under lockdown.
Edibles
An aptly-named, 100% natural malt beverage and alternative hydration source, imported from Mexico.
Corona
Silent, portable, multi-use defense mechanism. A classic in self-reliance. No batteries required.
Nunchucks
When public transit is off-limits and the highways are clogged with roving bandits, blaze your own trail with this foldable, off-road rider.
Folding Bike
The bible of self-reliance.
How to Stay Alive:
The Ultimate
Survival Guide for
Any Situation,
by Bear Grylls
Noted survivalist Homer Simpson calls this ingenious drinking bird “the greatest invention in the world.”
Drinking Bird
Maintaining mental acuity in a quarantine environment is crucial to survival. A few minutes of light reading a day will keep your mind razor-sharp and your moral outrage at peak performance. Doubles as a brick to defend against home invasions.
Mueller Report
Loaded with sugar, this childhood favorite will help you kick ass and cause destruction like you’re five years old again.
Capri Sun
33% protein, packed with sodium and fat, and an endless shelf life? A quarantine essential, even if you’re not Hawaiian.
Spam
26 vitamins and minerals, 20 grams of protein, all packed in an airtight vessel you can easily trade for some help on your CMS.
Soylent
Artificially flavored, 100% nutrition-free dessert plan that combines with Everclear as a
sure-fire quarantine party-starter.
Jell-O
Nothing opens doors quite like an American passport and a thick wad of cash.
Passport
Complete Quarantine
Survival Kit
Built by Ceros
Everything you need if your quarantine goes from remote working to zombie apocalypse
FROM THE DEPT. OF WORST-CASE SCENARIOS
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Get more stunning visual stories every week.
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At 95% ABV, this liquid has even more disinfectant power than Purell, plus all the intoxicating effects of an opioid slushie.
Everclear
Artificially flavored, 100% nutrition-free dessert plan that combines with Everclear as a sure-fire quarantine party-starter.
Jell-O
Can light up the whole block during a blackout or knock a home invader off a fire escape in seconds flat.
Boring Company Flamethrower
Tough anti-static compostable fabric, high-level protection from contaminants, tight-fitting hood and boots to keep COVID-19 out for good.
Hazmat Suit
Ignite the herbs and ward off evil spirits. Disclaimer: Not an actual disinfectant.
Sage Bundle
Bring out your inner warrior with this durable, hypo-allergenic yoga mat. Because in times of crisis, balance and flexibility can be a matter of life and death.
Yoga Mat
Keep your squad of overwrought snowflakes calm with these squishy playthings. Weighted blanket sold separately.
Worry Toy
End Times can wreak havoc on a good night’s sleep. Reset your natural nocturnal rhythms with this calming, restorative CBD cream.
CBD Topical
Cream
Life under quarantine can get tedious. These high-THC gummies fight the stress of life under lockdown.
Edibles
An aptly-named, 100% natural malt beverage and alternative hydration source, imported from Mexico.
Corona
Silent, portable, multi-use defense mechanism. A classic in self-reliance. No batteries required.
Nunchucks
When public transit is off-limits and the highways are clogged with roving bandits, blaze your own trail with this foldable, off-road rider.
Folding Bike
Maintaining mental acuity in a quarantine environment is crucial to survival. A few minutes of light reading a day will keep your mind razor-sharp and your moral outrage at peak performance. Doubles as a brick to defend against home invasions.
Mueller Report
Loaded with sugar, this childhood favorite will help you kick ass and cause destruction like you’re five years old again.
Capri Sun
33% protein, packed with sodium and fat, and an endless shelf life? A quarantine essential, even if you’re not Hawaiian.
Spam
26 vitamins and minerals, 20 grams of protein, all packed in an airtight vessel you can easily trade for some help on your CMS.
Soylent
The bible of self-reliance.
How to Stay Alive: The Ultimate Survival Guide for Any Situation, by Bear Grylls
Noted survivalist Homer Simpson calls this ingenious drinking bird “the greatest invention in the world.”
Drinking Bird
Nothing opens doors quite like an American passport and a thick wad of cash.
Passport
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