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september 2023
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Smiles believed education and knowledge were the keys to upward mobility—and anyone could achieve it if they put their mind to it. However, over time, the self-help movement received backlash for over-promising. In the mid-20th century, it became something of a caricature, “a reduction of unrelenting optimism” that made the genre both super popular with readers and super unpopular with publishers, wrote Laura Miller in an article titled “The Last Word; The Golden Age of Self-Help” for the New York Times. In his 2005 book, Sham: How the Self-Help Movement Made America Helpless, writer Steve Salerno (Harper’s, The New York Times) examined how damaging advice from thinly credentialed “experts” in the self-help world (Dr. Phil, Tony Robbins, etc.) was on Americans—not to mention how financially draining. Kate Carraway, also of the New York Times, writes that where self-help is all about personal optimization and productivity, self-care is “softer, gentler, more forgiving.” Carraway says that in response to the American Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s and the women’s liberation movement in the 1970s, authors like Audre Lorde and bell hooks wrote about the importance of caring for the self in the face of injustice. These writers were feminists, women of color and proponents of dismantling a system designed to
“Self-care as a direct response to an oppressive political climate dissipated in the 1980s and 1990s as fitness turned into a mainstream activity.”
Self-care is not a new concept. The practice of actively improving one’s own well-being has been around for millennia. But what self-care looks like today has changed since its humble beginnings in 350 BC (yes, that long ago). Similar to art and fashion, self-care reflects a society’s political movements, scientific discoveries, economic health and more. In 2023, it seems those factors shift every day (fresh air is good for you…oh wait, it’s bad for you!) and we are constantly adapting to our environments, which means we must continuously learn to care for ourselves in new ways. A quick history of self-care. The evolution of self-care really begins with Aristotle. Yeah, bet you didn’t think Aristotle and your 12-step skincare routine had anything in common, did you? Well, according to Edith Hall, author of Aristotle’s Way and a classics professor at King’s College London, Aristotle encouraged people to practice happiness, preaching that feeling joyful is something you do, not something you are. This includes allowing space for negative emotions, like anger and sadness, and indulging in vices sparingly (Aristotle was big on moderation). Next on the scene? Self-help. Self-care’s intense and impatient cousin began popping up in essays during the 1800s. Ralph Waldo Emerson’s “Compensation” discussed learning from one’s weaknesses to become a stronger person. The first book of its kind, Self-Help by Samuel Smiles, was published in 1859. It, too, was all about taking control of your own life.
by Sarah Ashley
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connected to your exercise service or your exercise bike so that when you hop on your bike, you’d be getting a class designed for someone who’s had a poor night’s sleep.” So yes, self-care is still relevant, it’s just more amorphous—and that’s a good thing. In Harvard Business Review, writer and life coach Charlotte Lieberman expands on anti-self-care as self-care: “ What about cutting ourselves some slack on the days we don’t get as much done as we had planned? Or reminding ourselves that laughter is healing? We may idealize the actions we are able to document and share, or the data we can collect and track, but there are plenty of times when what we need to do to feel better—and actually get better—is less. For better or for worse, there is no app or amount of money that can help with that.”
So where is self-care today (and what’s next)? Among all the other things it made unrecognizable, the pandemic greatly impacted our definition of self-care, and over the past few years, the movement has seemingly started to bend back towards mindfulness away from cleanses. COVID and the concurrent ascent of the Black Lives Matter movement also illuminated how one-dimensional before-times self-care was. These days, many are looking beyond the thin, white ideal of yore. For example, there are more dedicated mental health resources for BIPOC individuals than ever. (Though the industry, like so many others, has a ways to go until it reaches true equality.) Additionally, paralleling the shift from body positivity to body neutrality, self-care has become less focused on perfection, with focal practitioners singing the praises of messing up or restarting in their wellness journeys. (Quitting or rejecting self-care is now a form of self-care in and of itself.) That’s not to say self-care is losing any steam as an industry. In 2023, the global wellness market is valued at over $5.3 trillion, and the health and wellness industry growth rate is expected to continue growing 10 percent yearly until 2025. Like so many other industries, the future of self-care is largely tech-driven. Per McKinsey’s ‘Wellness in 2030’ report, expect to see “the concept of devices moving from the doctor’s office into the home,” or even more advanced sleep tech: “Imagine if your sleep data was
wellness practice rooted in East Asian teachings and customs like meditation, mantras and matcha. Yet with the influence of businesses like Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop and Amanda Chantal Bacon’s Moon Juice, the words “self-care” somehow became synonymous with face masks and athleisure. It began to equate with beauty (usually white beauty), physical fitness and the affluence to afford both.
overlook their health and well-being. Self-care as a direct response to an oppressive political climate dissipated in the 1980s and 1990s as fitness turned into a mainstream activity (think: leotards, Richard Simmons and jazzercise). But post-9/11 we saw the movement cycle back again as a widely accepted way to soothe the soul and deal with post-traumatic stress. We all remember the rise of the #selfcare hashtag (and subsequent wellness industry boom), right? It was 2017 and self-care was the phrase of the year, cropping up in every other Instagram post and article on the internet. To be fair, the words “self” and “care” sound lovely together. And the idea of taking care of yourself seemed to need reinforcing in our increasingly busy lives. At the start of this particular self-care phase, it was treated as an honest-to-goodness
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“So yes, self-care is still relevant, it’s just more amorphous—and that’s a good thing.”
Additionally, paralleling the shift from body positivity to body neutrality, self-care has become less focused on perfection, with focal practitioners singing the praises of messing up or restarting in their wellness journeys. (Quitting or rejecting self-care is now a form of self-care in and of itself.) That’s not to say self-care is losing any steam as an industry. In 2023, the global wellness market is valued at over $5.3 trillion, and the health and wellness industry growth rate is expected to continue growing 10 percent yearly until 2025. Like so many other industries, the future of self-care is largely tech-driven. Per McKinsey’s ‘Wellness in 2030’ report, expect to see “the concept of devices moving from the doctor’s office into the home,” or even more advanced sleep tech: “Imagine if your sleep data was connected to your exercise service or your exercise bike so that when you hop on your bike, you’d be getting a class designed for someone who’s had a poor night’s sleep.” So yes, self-care is still relevant, it’s just more amorphous—and that’s a good thing. In Harvard Business Review, writer and life coach Charlotte Lieberman expands on anti-self-care as self-care: “ What about cutting ourselves some slack on the days we don’t get as much done as we had planned? Or reminding ourselves that laughter is healing? We may idealize the actions we are able to document and share, or the data we can collect and track, but there are plenty of times when what we need to do to feel better—and actually get better—is less. For better or for worse, there is no app or amount of money that can help with that.”
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You know those people who seem entirely unburdened by the crushing weight of their own existence? Those people whose anxiety typically hovers at non-calamitous levels? Those people for whom the words cognitive behavioral therapy mean nothing? I am not one of those people. I have never been one of those people. Instead, I’m a person for whom happiness takes work of the professional and pharmacological sort. So I embarked on a little challenge: to try four scientifically proven ways to feel happier (backed up by studies and expert opinions) to see if being more social or meditating every morning could move the needle, happiness-wise. From the good (exercise!) to the not-so-good (journaling—not for me!), here’s what I found. They’re not kidding when they say meditation is a practice. The first method on my list? Meditation. Over the past ten years, I’ve written about a dozen stories about meditation—what might happen if you start meditating, an introduction to mindfulness meditation and a guide to chakra meditation, among others. Still, I was never really able to stick to meditation myself (bold of me to refuse to practice what I preach, I know). The thing is, when meditation is referred to as a ‘practice,’ that’s not a misnomer: It takes work. Every time I’d try to restart my meditation practice, I’d find myself thinking, I’m definitely doing this wrong. But here’s the thing: That’s OK. Back in September 2019, I worked with Michelle Zarrin, an inspirational speaker, meditation teacher and spiritual guide, on a story about tips for sticking to a meditation practice. Her insights proved crucial to getting over the feeling that I was “failing” at meditation. She stressed that beginners shouldn’t expect to become experts in one day. “With meditation practice, all we have to do is maintain the discipline each day,” she notes. Even if you don’t
by Sarah Stiefvater
I Spent Months Trying to Feel Happier. Here’s What Worked (& What Very Much Didn’t)
feel like you’re getting something out of your mindful minutes at first, you’re still building the base for a successful practice. While I still can’t say that I meditate regularly, I have found it to be a helpful tool for calming myself down and opening myself to new perspectives. If you, too, struggle to stick to consistent meditation, I have a few tips. First, don’t underestimate the power of guided meditation apps like Headspace, Calm or Insight Timer. Also, each time I feel like I’m doing it wrong, I remind myself that not doing it “perfectly” (whatever that means) is part of the journey. Especially if you’re a perfectionist, a Virgo or both, not being immediately good at something is a hard pill to swallow. Try to remember that perfection isn’t the goal and resist the urge to throw in the towel because you’re not immediately an expert. “The more we expect results from our meditation practice,” Zarrin says, “the less we will attain results.” Going into a meditation practice expecting to be transformed immediately will only set you up for failure. Know that it will take time to see results and, as corny as it sounds (who am I, even?!), simply enjoy the journey. Exercise is a great option if the stillness of meditation freaks you out. Part of why I’m not an expert meditator is that I find the stillness (and relative silence, even in a guided meditation) uncomfortable. Movement, on the other hand, as a means to feel happier, is something I continue to get behind.
“Especially if you’re a perfectionist, a Virgo or both, not being immediately good at something is a hard pill to swallow. Try to remember that perfection [in meditation] isn’t the goal.”
Additionally, paralleling the shift from body positivity to body neutrality, self-care has become less focused on perfection, with focal practitioners singing the praises of messing up or restarting in their wellness journeys. (Quitting or rejecting self-care is now a form of self-care in and of itself.) That’s not to say self-care is losing any steam as an industry. In 2023, the global wellness market is valued at over $5.3 trillion, and the health and wellness industry growth rate is expected to continue growing 10 percent yearly until 2025. Like so many other industries, the future of self-care is largely tech-driven. Per McKinsey’s ‘Wellness in 2030’ report, expect to see “the concept of devices moving from the doctor’s office into the home,” or even more advanced sleep tech: “Imagine if your sleep data was connected to your exercise service or your exercise bike so that when you hop on your bike, you’d be getting a class designed for someone who’s had a poor night’s sleep.”
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It’s not for me, folks. I’m just not one of those TikTok girlies. I tried writing first thing in the morning, in the middle of the day and before I went to bed. Some days I found myself regurgitating the events of my day: ‘I woke up kind of late, then I made coffee and got to work.’ (Snooze.) Other days I wrote about how much I wasn’t liking journaling: ‘What do people get out of this? What am I even supposed to be writing? Are those TikTokers faking it and just scribbling nonsense?’ It’s important to note that I take responsibility for this experiment flopping: I write for a living, meaning my brain has filed any kind of writing as ‘work.’ Journaling, from what I’ve heard from others, isn’t supposed to feel like work at all. It’s supposed to be a creative outlet where you’re free to do or say whatever you want. And I really can see it being that for someone who’s less used to writing every day. Even though my attempts at journaling have fallen short of life-changing, I’d still recommend it to anyone who doesn’t do what I do. Happiness takes work, but I’m bummed to report it’s totally worth it. While my experiment didn’t result in my transformation into one of those carefree people I mentioned above, it did force me to take more responsibility for my own happiness. Did I know that exercising and seeing my friends more would make me happy? Of course I did, but as someone who can be a bit lazy—and skeptical—when it comes to self-improvement, forcing myself to actively seek happiness and fulfillment proved to be really rewarding. (Even if I do still sometimes roll my eyes at the manifestation and vision boards of it all.) And honestly, who knows, maybe no one is naturally light and unburdened. Maybe some of you are just *that* good at journaling.
Exercise and I have always had a tumultuous relationship. At best, it’s sunshine, roses and defined triceps; at worst, it’s toxic. I typically get really into working out, I go too hard, get burnt out and then stop exercising for months (or years). But after my last bout of prolonged gym aversion, I challenged myself to get my relationship with exercise to a healthier place than it’s ever been. Once I got through the initial soreness, my body felt lighter and looser. I also noticed that I was falling asleep easier and waking up more refreshed. Mentally, I felt happier. Not happier in the sense that all of the world’s problems had gone away, but happier like a little dark cloud that had been hanging over my head moved slightly to the left. It wasn’t just a placebo effect: Countless studies have shown that there’s a clear relationship between exercise and the brain. A few years ago, I spoke to Barbara Nosal, Ph.D., chief clinical officer at Newport Academy, who told me that 30 minutes or more of daily exercise “increases the production of serotonin, a neurotransmitter linked to the regulation of mood and social behavior, as well as sleep, appetite and memory, all of which contribute to a balanced mind and body.” So yes, even though spin class might feel like a chore on occasion, the mental and physical benefits are worth the hassle. Don’t underestimate the power of brunch with friends (even if your social battery runs out easily). Alongside regular exercise, the other method I found most beneficial was prioritizing social time with friends and family. As I embarked on my little happiness experiment, I came across a book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bronnie Ware, an
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Australian nurse who worked in palliative care, watching over patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. One of the top five regrets of the dying, she found, was not staying in touch with friends and family. As far as I know, I have plenty of good years left, but I took Ware’s words to heart. Knowing that I need a good amount of alone time, I planned ways to spend time with my loved ones that varied in terms of how emotionally draining they’d be. Unsurprisingly, quality time with my favorite people made me feel happier. According to a 2020 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people who had more social interactions were happier on average than those who interacted less. Even if I have to counter a weekend of three-hour brunches and an ill-advised karaoke session—ill-advised on the part of those listening to me and my friends—with a quiet day featuring a new book, a YouTube yoga class and some meditation, I can’t overstate how much even this ambivert gets from palling around. Lastly, journaling might work for you, but it very much did not for me. Finally, the part of my happiness experiment I clicked with the least: journaling. Now, I’ve seen the aesthetic morning routine TikToks in which a woman who looks like she’s spent two hours in hair and makeup wakes up, opens her monogrammed journal and pours her heart out onto its pages. I’ve also read the research that supports journaling as a method for feeling happier. Case in point: this 2013 study by researchers at the University of Michigan that showed that, among people with major depression, journaling for 20 minutes a day lowered their depression scores significantly.
“Happiness takes work, but I’m bummed to report it’s totally worth it.”
Surprise flowers, anyone?
20 Easy Ways to Be Kinder to Others (& Yourself)
You'll want to stock up on these.
After Months of Piling on SPF, This Product Is My Go-To for Cold-Weather Skin Prep
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Let’s put things into perspective.
Here’s How to Be More Optimistic When You’re Totally Stressed Out
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Set your house up for success.
How to Transform Your Home into a Self-Care Sanctuary
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Yes, just 12 seconds.
This 12-Second Trick Trains Your Brain to Be More Positive
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The good, the bad, the dark circles.
What Happens When You Stop Wearing Makeup? The Truth About Our Brains & Self-Esteem
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There’s nothing more annoying than being caught off guard by Aunt Flo.
“Why Did My Period Come Early?” Here Are 7 Reasons for Menstrual Irregularity
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For decades, my period was an impending disaster on the horizon.
The Long Goodbye: Parting Ways with My Period Is Not as Easy as I Thought
ASHLEY ARMITAGE
From perimenopause to certain medications.
Why Is My Period Late? 6 Possible Reasons (Besides the Obvious One)
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It takes a bit of patience, folks.
How to Use Menstrual Cups: My Journey into the Great Unknown
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Feng shui is an ancient Chinese discipline that examines object placements and how they affect a home’s energy. Beyond improving the energy of inanimate objects, feng shui can also help reduce stress and anxiety while making you feel more grounded in your daily life. Here are five feng shui principles to follow in your home.
5 Feng Shui Principles Everyone Should Know
1. Never Hang Mirrors Across from the Front Door
The reason? Any good energy that comes across your threshold will immediately get bounced back outside.
2. Treat Your Stove Like Your Most Prized Possession
Stoves are money makers in feng shui—they bring good fortune and attract abundance.
3. Close Bathroom Doors When They’re Not in Use
Bathroom energy is, um, gross. You don't want that floating around your home.
4. Fill Forlorn Spots With Plants
Whether it’s a corner or a dark hall, seek out spots that feel stagnant and add the energy of happy green.
5. Repaint Often
Got old, dirty walls? You can guess how that makes you feel. A fresh coat of paint is a way to reset the energy of your home.
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Relax as these boots compress your legs to reduce soreness and fatigue.
Therabody RecoveryAir System
Best Recovery Tool
From a weighted blanket that feels like a warm hug to a five-minute journal that helps us start every day on the right foot, here are ten self-care products that we don’t want to live without.
PureWow Editors’ Self-Care Must-Haves
Gently buff away dry, dull skin with this exfoliating body scrub that's made with ¼ moisturizing cream to restore your skin's nutrients.
Dove Exfoliating Body Scrub Pomegranate & Shea Butter
Best Body Scrub
Choose from nine colors and three weights, then chill out.
Bearaby Tree Napper
Best Weighted Blanket
Exfoliate and sweep away dead skin to reveal a glowing and smooth surface.
Goop G.Tox Ultimate Dry Brush
Best Dry Brush
This hydrating formula has gentle ingredients that provide moisture and comfort.
Necessaire The Sex Gel
Best Bedroom Aid
Begin and end each day on a positive note with this sleek bedside journal.
Intelligent Change Five-Minute Journal
Best Journal
Revitalizing eye patches brighten and smooth while reducing the appearance of fine lines.
Augustinus Bader The Eye Patches
Best Eye Patches
Store it in the freezer and roll it on your face for a quick boost.
Skin Gym IceCool Roller
Best Face Roller
Lift your mood naturally with lively, joyful citrus essential oils.
Saje Wellness Liquid Sunshine
Best Diffuser Blend
Add scent to every corner of your home—no plug necessary.
Vitruvi Cordless Diffuser
Best Diffuser
Credits WRITERS: Sarah Stiefvater, Sarah Ashley EDITORS: jillian quint DESIGNERS: McKenzie Cordell, Dasha Burobina PHOTOGRAPHY: Getty
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