DEI - CT Children's

In recent years, many diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) topics around social justice, racism, and more have bubbled to the surface. To be fair, many of us adults are still educating ourselves on what we should know, and why it matters. But what information do you need to talk to your kids? Melissa Santos, PhD, the division head of pediatric psychology at Connecticut Children’s, shares seven potentially challenging, real-life topics, what they mean, and how to address them with children.

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Stereotypes

What are they? Stereotypes are oversimplified ideas of people based on shared characteristics. How or where do they happen? Stereotypes are all around us, and they’re all too common. Our brain naturally compartmentalizes (or puts things into boxes), but they can be problematic and limiting. Some examples of stereotypes are treating the woman in the family as the sole caregiver; assuming certain groups are poor or of “illegal” immigration status; and believing or stating that certain types of people are “weird” or different than oneself.

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How to have important conversations with kids about diversity and difference

Privilege

What is it? Having “privilege” means someone has an unearned special right, social advantage, benefit or general higher standing than others—simply because they belong to a specific group. This happens everywhere and, truthfully, many of us are privileged in some way. How and where do privilege and lack of privilege happen? White people are born with white privilege just for being white. This is not a criticism, rather, a fact. Another example of privilege is having access to healthcare resources simply because of your ability to pay.

Unconscious bias

What is it? An unconscious bias is an opinion formed about someone or something. How or where does it happen? Like stereotypes, unconscious biases are all around us. Some examples are refusing to read a book because of the genre; a supervisor thinking young female workers are not as intelligent as their male peers (also gender bias and ageism); believing that overweight people are less clean; and thinking someone with a skin condition or chronic illness is contagious. Many people have unconscious biases toward others based on certain characteristics or observations.

Gender bias

What is it? When people prefer one gender over another, and make assumptions about a particular gender or about gender diverse people. Gender bias can be a form of stereotype and unconscious bias. Where does it happen? Some examples to watch out for are patients thinking male nurses will not do a good job because women are “supposed to be” in that role; patients assuming that a female clinical team member is a nurse when she is actually a doctor; and telling a gender-diverse or transgender person to use the other bathroom.

Microaggressions

What are they? These are interactions and behaviors that communicate an opinion toward historically underrepresented group, like BIPOC or LGBTQIA individuals. How do they happen? While most people don’t mean to be outwardly harmful, microaggressions can make marginalized groups feel “less than.” Some examples of microaggressions are telling a person struggling with weight that they should eat less; and scheduling meetups, playdates, or other events without considering religious obligations or dietary restrictions.

Ageism

What is it? Ageism is how we think about ourselves or other people based on their age. It affects everyone of all ages and mostly in the workplace and in the community. How and where does it happen? According to the World Health Organization, children as young as four years old can sense ageism. Research also shows that half the world’s population is ageist against older generations, but younger generations can feel ageism’s impact, too. Some examples include assuming that older people don’t know how to use technology and believing that millennials are entitled and lazy.

Ableism

What is it? Ableism is when one thinks of people with disabilities as “less than.” We witness ableism in words, actions and other behaviors—intentional and unintentional. How and where does it happen? Ableism is when one thinks of people with disabilities as “less than.” It occurs when kids curiously ask, “What’s wrong with them?” or when people use phrases like, “You’re crazy—did you forget your meds today?” It also happens when your child’s school doesn’t follow an IEP or 504 plan and when facilities are not accessible (such as not having elevators, ramps, or automatic doors).

We’re all different, yet we’re the same. Santos encourages kids to celebrate one another. So how can parents address the above topics with their kids? When tackling these issues, here are some steps to consider.

Take some time to recognize your own biases, which you can use as an example when talking to your kids. Understand, and help your kids understand, that we may make mistakes when talking to people. That’s okay. Reassure them that it’s best to apologize, listen and learn.

Your kids look up to you! Break the bias and let your child know that it's okay to seek appropriate support for mental health. Look for the clues that your child needs professional help.

Self-check

Mental health check, too

Teach your kids, or students, how powerful words can be no matter the intent behind them. Ask them to give examples of times someone hurt their feelings, and explain that sometimes words can affect someone permanently.

Word watch

Try your best to encourage a healthy, inclusive environment. Show your kids the behavior you want to see. For example, have each member of your family or classroom make a positive observation about someone else every day, or acknowledge when they take part in a bias or stereotype.

Model behavior

Fight for better policies that affect kids. Between now and the next election season, have open conversations with your kids about issues they can relate to and let them know your plan of action to vote or write to your state legislature.

Be the change

Ask your local library for age-appropriate books that touch upon the themes mentioned above.

Read about it

What is your child watching? Following? Listening to? Pay attention to what’s being portrayed in the media. Sometimes, things kids encounter in the media may encourage bias and stigma—this can be used for conversation.

Keep tabs on the media

Embrace cultures other than your own, and explore them together with your children—great ways to do this include celebrating occasions like Black History Month or Pride.

Celebrate differences & similarities

Visit Connecticut Children’s Tough Stuff landing page for more resources and tips on having difficult conversations with kids and helping them overcome today’s challenges.

Click through the gallery to see all seven.

How to have important conversations with kids about diversity and difference

FOR PATIENTS & FAMILIES

Referrals Research Education and Training Careers Job Shadows & Internships

FOR MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS

Cancer & Blood Disorders Cardiology / Cardiac Surgery Ear, Nose & Throat Gastroenterology Orthopedics Pediatric Surgery Sports Medicine

FEATURED SPECIALTIES

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Putting it all into practice

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