The Real Sex Talk

We're here to myth bust your emergency contraception misconceptions and give you a sense of sexual agency.

For a long time, I didn’t understand the true beauty of sex...

Between sex scenes in movies and TV shows, and lyrics about sex in songs, the real meaning got lost, and I feel as if it quickly became, “just something you do with the person you like.” And, it actually wasn’t until a moment in college that I understood just how powerful and special sex could truly be.

By Emily Murphy

By Shelby Sells

Experiment with what you enjoy.

By expanding your viewpoint on sex, you are inherently inviting more pleasure into your life. Try new things alone and with your partner. Maybe for you, sex is involves an intimate conversation or maybe it’s tons of foreplay. Whatever you enjoy is totally valid! Give yourself permission to explore the ways you give and receive pleasure and remember to implement boundaries. Don’t be afraid to talk to your partner, because communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It sometimes can be quite difficult to communicate our wants and needs around sex. This is normal! It takes time and practice and I promise the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Educate yourself on your contraceptive options.

As you get in the groove of talking with your partner about what you like and don’t like during sex, you should also feel empowered to discuss your birth control regimen. After all, it takes two to tango, and it’s it’s always important to have a regular birth control plan in place – whether that be the pill, condom, or other long-term options like IUD or implant. If you missed a birth control pill, the condom broke, or you had unprotected or spontaneous sex, you have options. Thankfully, there is emergency contraception pills like Plan B One-Step® that are easily accessible at your local drug store. It must be taken within 72 hours after unprotected sex or birth control failure. The sooner it’s taken, the better it works. In my own experience over the years, Plan B has been a valuable tool for me as a means of helping to prevent unplanned pregnancy. Whenever taking emergency contraception, rememberto always use as directed and consult your doctor if you have any specific questions.

Embrace your sexuality and sexual desires.

If you have friends that name, shame, or blame you about your sexual experiences, those are not your friends! Even though everyone does not idealize the same type of sex life, being supportive is incredibly important. To gauge interest and emotional availability for these conversations, ask general questions about sex amongst your friend group. And if you still don’t feel comfortable talking to your friends about sex, you can always reach out to a sex expert(like myself!) to discuss any questions, concerns, thoughts or feelings you might have.

As a freshman, I had been sexually active for a few years, and was using condoms as my main form of birth control. But, as things with my first official college boyfriend started to get serious, I asked my gynecologist if she could prescribe me the birth control pill so I could ensure that I was being extra cautious during sex, especially considering I was having sex way more frequently than I ever had been before.

Once I finally did start taking the pill, it was great: I felt reassured, safe, and most of all, mature for thinking ahead and being smart with my partner. I set both a reminder and an alarm on my phone to alert me to take it at the same time every day, to keep it as effective a form of birth control as it could be. In fact, I felt so confident and so safe in my monogamous relationship just relying on the pill, that my boyfriend and I decided to stop using condoms altogether. So, it was up to me and that tiny pill to stay on track and take it once a day. If you make a similar choice, it’s important to remember that condoms are the only thing that protect against STDS/HIV.

Just like any other college student, I got busy. I started having more long, late-night study groups with classmates and was spending all my free time in the library cramming for tests and speed-writing papers. During an unusually hard week, my late nights became even later, and I was in the library studying when my birth control reminder alarm went off. I reached into my bag for my pill pack and realized I didn’t have it.

Stressed about skipping it - but even more stressed about my test - I turned the alarm off and thought, “Oh well, I’ll take it as soon as I get back to my dorm, I have to finish reading this chapter.” Sure enough, I was so tired from studying that when I got back that night, it totally slipped my mind.

The next morning, I got a text from my boyfriend that he had a surprise for me before my test, and to meet him at his place. I got ready, not even thinking about the pill I had forgotten to take the night before - and headed over to his dorm. Laid out on his old, worn-out dorm desk was an array of breakfast foods from the school cafeteria. He told me he was proud of me for how hard I had been working and wanted to make sure I was well-energized before my test.

At that moment, I was so overtired and overstressed from schoolwork, and overly emotional about how thoughtful this was, that I wasn’t even hungry. All I wanted to do was tell him how much this meant to me - and more importantly - how much he meant to me. That morning, we said “I love you” to each other for the first time. As we exchanged those special words, we also shared another special, physically intimate experience together. I then understood the true beauty of sex, and just how powerful it could be at the right time, in the right place, and with the right person.

Plan B is emergency contraception that helps prevent pregnancy before it starts by temporarily delaying ovulation. It must be taken within 72 hours after unprotected sex or birth control failure, and the sooner it’s taken, the better it works.

Later that night, after I totally aced my test and couldn’t stop smiling about how my boyfriend and I said we loved each other, my birth control reminder alarm went off. Within seconds, I felt my smile turn into a jaw drop, and I cursed at myself for forgetting to take my pill the night before, yet having sex anyways. After stress-texting my friends and my boyfriend, we all agreed that even though I probably would be okay, and the risk of getting pregnant was low, I should take Plan B One-Step®.

So, luckily, I was able to head to the drug store that same day, and purchase it. I was definitely nervous about buying it, but after reading more about Plan B online and talking to the pharmacist, I realized that there was nothing to be nervous about. The pharmacist shared with me that Plan B works by stopping the release of an egg from the ovary, so there is no egg to meet the sperm. (But in case you don’t want to chat with a pharmacist, that’s cool too. Plan B is available over the counter -- no prescription, ID or age check needed!) Just get it off the shelf at any major retail store. Think of it like this: no egg, no fertilization, no pregnancy. I felt so relieved to also learn that taking it wouldn’t impact my ability to get pregnant in the future.

Thinking back, Plan B. gave me the opportunity to be in control of my sex life, and enjoy sex, even after my initial contraception plan failed. It’s really common for accidents to happen in the bedroom, like a condom breaking, forgetting to use a condom, or realizing that you didn't take your birth control pill that day. And, as a busy college student, there is so much going on -- between classes, tests, and club activities -- it's easy to forget a pill and get caught up in the moment. Knowing that Plan B is there when I need it has empowered me to feel confident in my relationship with sex.

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Disclosure: The information in this Article may be useful but does not constitute medical advice. This Article is not used to make diagnoses, prescribe medicine or provide treatment, and should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultations with qualified health professionals who are familiar with your individual medical needs. For questions about birth control and other women’s health issues, please talk to your healthcare professional.

Shelby Sells is a love, sex, and life coach based in New York City. She is a certified Transformational Life Coaching (ICF) and uses her holistic background to empower authentic relationships with the self and others. Her mission is to hold space for people to explore their sexual health and relationships with uplifting attitudes. She is finishing her degree in Behavioral Psychology with an emphasis on Human Sexuality to pursue a career in sex therapy.

but just like in other aspects of life, unexpected things happen during sex all the time. So, how do you feel empowered while experiencing the ups and downs of your sexual experience? Don’t worry! I am here to help you feel more confident about navigating it all. Let’s take a look at three ways to feel empowered in your sexual experiences.

I wish sex was all sunshine and multiple orgasms,

The information in this Article may be useful but does not constitute medical advice. This Article is not used to make diagnoses, prescribe medicine or provide treatment, and should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultations with qualified health professionals who are familiar with your individual medical needs. For questions about birth control and other women’s health issues, please talk to your healthcare professional.

DISCLOSURE