Oatly Paul

Being dumped is never fun, but some break-ups sting more than others. (Remember Miranda’s brutal culling via the doorman in Sex and the City? “I’m sorry, Miss Hobbes. Jonathan won’t be coming down. Ever.”) So how should you go about delivering the bad news? Here, dating expert Paul C Brunson, co-host of Celebs Go Dating and Married at First Sight, shares what not to do when ending a relationship.

How do you tell someone that it’s over? Well, telling them at all would be a start. Love guru Paul C Brunson shares what not to do when ending a relationship

Literally nothing, aka ghosting

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I think I might move to Mexico for three months, so this can’t go anywhere. But dinner next week?

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A new survey from Oatly shows that 37 per cent of British people have tried giving up or reducing their dairy intake. But what will it take for us to put an end to this milky promiscuity? Oatly’s Lucy Hopkins-Parkinson has the answer: “Our new Oatly Oat Drinks – Light, Semi, Whole and ‘No’ Sugars – mean there’s truly something out there for everyone. And with zero compromise on taste, performance or nutrition, it’s never been easier to say to dairy, ‘Thank you… next.’” The new Oatly range is low in saturated fat and a rich source of calcium, iodine, riboflavin and vitamins B12 and D.

Sow your ‘wild’ oats

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These are extraordinary times we’re living in, and millennials are often blamed for having pioneered the harsh art of the silent exit. But the truth is that all generations are guilty of pulling the disappearing act. All but those enlightened Gen Z-ers. According to Brunson, young people today are a less emotionally repressed bunch, capable of ending things in a mature and courteous manner. “They focus more on communicating with each other. If a date doesn’t go well, they’re able to say, ‘Hey, I didn’t feel like there was a vibe, but I wish you the best.’ We can definitely learn from them.” You’d be surprised how often people in long-term relationships say nothing too, says Brunson. “Statistics show that women in heterosexual relationships typically know they’re going to leave their partner one year prior to telling them. It’s important to be vocal about your unhappiness in the relationship. It gives your other half time to resolve issues, if possible.”

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‘We need to talk’

It’s the big workplace trend of 2023: doing the minimum your job requires of you and expending no more time or enthusiasm than necessary. Now quiet quitting – or slow ghosting, as it’s known in dating – seems to be seeping into our love lives too. The hope is, in being a lousy partner, our other half will initiate the break-up, sparing us the role of the bad guy. Naturally, Brunson advises against this approach. “Winding down a relationship by putting zero effort in isn’t fair on your partner or you.”

Slow ghosting, or quiet quitting

“I mean, this is just a horrible idea,” says Brunson.

Polyamory is having a moment – with the likes of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, and even Scarlett Johansson extolling its benefits – but it’s not for everyone. If multiple partners are your thing, Brunson suggests being upfront about it at the beginning of a relationship, rather than blindsiding them later down the line. Having been happily married to his wife, Jill, for more than 20 years, Brunson admits to struggling with monogamy himself – in the kitchen, that is. “I live in a polyamorous household when it comes to milk. I cannot have a latte without my Oatly. My wife takes cow’s milk only in her cereal; my oldest boy is exclusively cow’s milk and my youngest is all about the oat drinks.” He’s not alone. A recent study by Oatly revealed that more than a third of Brits find it difficult to commit to one type of milk, keeping multiple varieties at home at the same time – from cow’s to oat. Brunson’s advice? Rip off the plaster. “You’ve got to do it face to face. Tell that cow’s milk, ‘Look, we’re just not right for each other anymore.’” Failing that, there’s always the classic, “It’s not you, it’s me. I’ve changed!”

I’ve been seeing lots of people but I’ve decided to narrow it down. You’re in my top three – does that work for you?

Pictures: Pål Hansen