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[CEROS OBJECT]
Netflix is about to drop a new Shondaland show. (Yep, the same Shondaland behind “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Scandal.” We can’t handle it either.) In “Bridgerton,” the anonymous Lady Whistledown documents every scandal of the 1813 London social season. So we invited her to this century to share her thoughts on topics Skimm’rs know all too well. Enjoy.
Together with
My name is Lady Whistledown. You do not know me, and never shall. Think of this correspondence as a digital scandal sheet. Instead of revealing the slander and secrets of late, it shall guide you through the most difficult of romantic and familial predicaments. If you cannot handle constructive criticism, then I advise you to look elsewhere. But if you wish to take love and life into your own hands, then allow me to inform you. Though be forewarned, dear reader, this author will not hold back. The only thing harsher than a gentleman’s sneer is what shall emerge from this author's pen. Now, keep scrolling. You do not want to miss a word.
Pick a scenario, and click to read Lady Whistledown's
advice on the matter.
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I'm listening...
For when you’re trying to get your person to pop the question...
How you present yourself to the world is paramount when it comes to making a love match. Remember, you are not the only debutante being presented this season, and suitors are both plentiful and fickle. Heed my advice, dear reader – you must stand out from the muck, otherwise you will end up a forlorn and lonely spinster. One must present their best self to the world. And if one’s wish for attention consumes all other desires, take note of this advice. This author will say it only once. Blurry group photographs, selfies in the most unfortunate lighting, and cliche quotes are for simpletons. If you are reading this, then you are sure to have better taste than that. Incorporate at least five portraits, including one where you can see your full face, one that showcases your form from head to toe in a delightful frock, one that demonstrates your talents, one that captures a social situation, and one that will enchant a viewer into conversation. You are permitted to smile, unless happiness looks unbecoming on your features. Display your miscellany of interests and passions – whether in music, art, sport, or otherwise. Specify whether you’re partial to the city or the country. Use my words as your guide and you shall have a bevy of suitors at your disposal. Perhaps one’s future will see the rarest accomplishment of all: a true love match. As for what fate awaits the characters on "Bridgerton," only two things will tell: time and, as always, this author.
Yours Truly,
For when you’re not getting attention on dating apps…
For when
you need to cut toxic people out of your life…
In a world with nearly eight billion people, finding a love match is an art form indeed. It is an achievement that even this jaded author must applaud. If you believe you have found your diamond, you must expedite the process. But it follows that many marriage-minded misses grow tired waiting for their match to pose the all-important question. Bear witness to the experiences of Miss Daphne Bridgerton, Miss Marina Thompson, and the Featherington sisters, who were forced to abide by the restrictive social rules of 1813, instead of taking fate into their own hands. While I agree that most romantic notions do not detail dragging another down the aisle, one may need to nudge their significant other in order to reach the altar. Should you truly believe them the best person for you, send a clear signal. Challenge your match to enter into an open-ended conversation envisioning your fate as a pair. It is something only two people in love can determine. So make haste, and prepare to frolic in nuptial bliss. Otherwise, be content with spinsterhood. But you will not receive this author’s congratulations, for there is no scandal in true love. “Bridgerton” provides dear viewers with fanciful honeymoon inspiration should one need it.
Yours Truly,
It is often said that what is right and what is best are rarely what is easy. ‘Tis a concept with which the Duke of Hastings knows most intimately. Whether it be friend, family member, or foe, one must take action if another has done something to offend you or wishes you to change an essential part of your character. Tell such a person that you require an audience with them. Strike a serious tone, and make it abundantly clear that you will have no choice but to forgo all fond memories and sentimental attachments should they not treat you as your family name and history merit. This author has been informed that duels have fallen out of fashion, therefore one must demand satisfaction another way. This author advises you to remove them from your social calendar, do not extend an invitation to your next party, and refrain from responding to all correspondence. However tempting it may be at this moment to make excuses on their behalf, one must resist. Should one never break one’s word, one will be all the better for it, this author assures you.
Yours Truly,
For when you need to cut toxic people out of your life…
Such troubles feel exceedingly familiar to the children of esteemed families like the Bridgertons. This author has witnessed the toll such treatment takes upon a person when the familial expectations to live and love cannot be met. For the ones we love have the power to inflict the greatest wounds, and it takes more courage than the average man possesses to stand opposed. Allow me to venture a different solution. Though there are few things more tiresome than a forced family gathering, it can prove effective in coming to some arrangement where one controls one’s own fate. Keep in mind, gentle reader, that all involved are in agreement that you deserve contentment. Even those that expect and demand perfection will extend happiness to you when you make your own way in the world. Do stand firm in the face of adversity, and do not cower under the scrutiny of others.
Yours Truly,
For when your fam is pressuring you to live up to their expectations…
Scandals and secrets happen weekly. This author should know. Could the scandal attached to your name be true? If so, be consoled that your notoriety will be brief. ‘Tis rare indeed for something shocking enough to catch the town’s fickle attention for long. One unfortunate event is no longer enough to banish any young lady from society in a trail of ruin. How lucky you are, dear reader, compared to the debutantes of the Regency.
Misinformation is something entirely apart. If an officious little busybody has taken liberties with your virtues, you must maintain your honor. Slander and smear? The audacity. This author suggests setting the record straight and ensuring the truth echoes from every drawing room in town. Shock and delight with a tale that restores your reputation, and challenges theirs. Of all that I have imparted to you, dear reader, there is but one bit of wisdom you must heed most: to make room on your holiday calendar, and accompany Queen Charlotte this Christmas as she revels in all of the rumors of the 1813 social season, when “Bridgerton” premieres on Netflix.
Yours Truly,
For when rumors about you are making the rounds…
The heart, a most curious of instruments, heeds neither reason nor rank. At times, one may find themselves charming the wrong suitor. If you wish to remain in good standing with my pen, I recommend you take matters into your own hands, and resist succumbing to weakness and employing a family member to handle matters on your behalf. While this author would choose expediency over delicacy, unfortunately society dictates you employ a kinder approach to letting down a love struck fool. Even Miss Daphne Bridgerton cannot keep her wits about her when dealing with certain ilk, so do not fret – you are in decent company. One must control the conversation, and begin promptly. Remain firm and honest, but polite. Sidestep the horrid act of offering no response at all. If you bear any affection for them, leave the door open for friendship. The suitor may appear stung at first. They may even think you a villain, but such a fate is better than allowing suitors to lust after an unrequited fantasy. You do not want to form a long trail of broken hearts, unless that is your purpose in life. A person of good standing never settles, and you will do well to remember my advice. One must learn from others’ mistakes, and soon enough you may bear witness to where Miss Bridgerton’s rather brazen behavior lands her.
Yours Truly,
For when you want to let someone down gently…
For when
you’re not getting attention on dating apps…
For when
you want to let someone down gently…
For when
your fam is pressuring you to live up to their expectations…
For when
you’re trying to get your person to pop the question...
For when
rumors about you are making the rounds...
Yours Truly,
I'm listening...
Yes?
Yes?
You got me.
You got me.
Go on...
Go on...
Sounds about right.
Sounds about right.
Tell me more.
Tell me more.
Lady Whistledown
The heart, a most curious of instruments, heeds neither reason nor rank. At times, one might find themselves charming the wrong suitor. This can prove especially problematic for the most popular of debutantes, such as one Miss Daphne Bridgerton. While she chooses a powerful right hook to deter Lord Berbrooke, it would not pain the mind to think of a more appropriate approach. In addition to succumbing to violence, this author also does not recommend getting a family member to handle matters on your behalf. One must control the conversation, and begin promptly. Remain firm and honest, but polite. Sidestep the horrid act of ghosting at all costs. If you bear any affection for them, leave the door open for friendship. The suitor may appear quite stung at first. They might even think you a villain, but one must remember: any fate is preferred to an unrequited fantasy. You do not want to form a long trail of broken hearts, but to be sure, dear reader, your past matches set the standard for future matches. Never settle. And witness where her rather brazen behavior lands Miss Bridgerton soon enough.
Yours Truly,
For when you want to let someone down gently…
The heart, a most curious of instruments, heeds neither reason nor rank. At times, one might find themselves charming the wrong suitor. This can prove especially problematic for the most popular of debutantes, such as one Miss Daphne Bridgerton. While she chooses a powerful right hook to deter Lord Berbrooke, it would not pain the mind to think of a more appropriate approach. In addition to succumbing to violence, this author also does not recommend getting a family member to handle matters on your behalf. One must control the conversation, and begin promptly. Remain firm and honest, but polite. Sidestep the horrid act of ghosting at all costs. If you bear any affection for them, leave the door open for friendship. The suitor may appear quite stung at first. They might even think you a villain, but one must remember: any fate is preferred to an unrequited fantasy. You do not want to form a long trail of broken hearts, but to be sure, dear reader, your past matches set the standard for future matches. Never settle. And witness where her rather brazen behavior lands Miss Bridgerton soon enough.
Yours Truly,
For when you want to let someone down gently…
Watch the trailer, mark your cal for the December 25 premiere, and get excited to rewind to the Regency.
Yours Truly,
Lady Whistledown
Yours Truly,
Lady Whistledown
'