Keep a monthly mood tracker to keep track of how you feel and whether or not you achieved your desire that day. At the end of the month, take a look and see how your mood impacted your desire.
Shani suggests:
You know what’s next…just a liiittle bit of homework to keep the intimacy going all year.
homework
Which one of these statements describes how you feel about desire or intimacy?
Pretty lost, tbh
I could kick things up a notch
Basically smashing it, but I wouldn't mind a few tips
Select your message.
I could kick things up a notch
Create goals around your desire. The goals should be attainable, sustainable, and measurable.
Typing...
Maybe you want to have a conversation about desire with your partner weekly. Or you want to tap into your desire every 4 days.
Basically smashing it, but I wouldn't mind a few tips
Be honest — like, really honest — with your partner about your needs and wants. Use “I” statements (think: I want to try…; I like it when…; etc.).
Typing...
Next, ask your partner if they can support you. Give them actionable steps of what support looks like for you.
Typing...
Then have them do the same.
So helpful. How should I take it to the next level?
Start by understanding that desire is healthy and can be accomplished on your own (even when you’re dating). But whether or not that’s not your *vibe,* practice safe intimacy.
Typing...
Think: Having an open dialogue with all your partners. And getting tested routinely.
Typing...
Be open with your partners and know that at any point you can change your mind and say no.
Got it. Any advice on what to keep in mind while I’m dating?
Oooh, my favorite. Treat yo self. The way you would get ready for a date with someone else, do the same for you.
Typing...
Get dressed up, eat some good food, light some candles, play some Marvin Gaye, and then explore.
Thank you. Any tips for how I can spice things up solo?
Start the converstation over.
When it comes to desire, finding the right question (and someone to answer them) can feel impossible. So Shani is answering some of your most intimate Qs.
Use the texting bot below to get her answers to what’s on your mind. She’ll go first:
Restart
expert
Shani Tran
Shani Tran is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and author of the book, “Dope Therapy.” She practices person-first therapy that gives people a safe place to own their journey. She shares advice for building healthy relationships, advocating for yourself in the bedroom, and self-pleasure techniques on TikTok.
You’ve got a lot on your plate. And with so much on your to-do list, it can be hard to make time for intimacy and passion. (We know, but hear us out.) So this week, we’re giving you the resources and encouragement — because you need no permission — to put your desire first. And some expert advice to help start the year off with a bang.
Check in weekly with yourself and your partner, if you have one, to see if you’ve acknowledged and fulfilled your desires for the week.
Check in weekly with yourself and your partner, if you have one, to see if you’ve acknowledged and fulfilled your desires for the week.
Shani suggests:
You know what’s next…just a liiittle bit of homework to keep the intimacy going all year.
homework
expert
Shani Tran
Shani Tran is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and author of the book, “Dope Therapy.” She practices person-first therapy that gives people a safe place to own their journey. She shares advice for building healthy relationships, advocating for yourself in the bedroom, and self-pleasure techniques on TikTok.
Shani Tran
Pretty lost, tbh
I could kick things up a notch
Basically smashing it, but I wouldn't mind a few tips
Select your message.
So helpful. How should I take it to the next level?
Got it. Any advice on what to keep
in mind while I’m dating?
Thank you. Any tips for how I can
spice things up solo?
Select your message.
Sometimes it helps to work backwards and understand what you don’t desire. Think: not wanting to be touched in a certain area, or preferring to talk beforehand.
Typing...
Typing...
Does that activity make you happy today? Why or why not?
Typing...
Typing...
Try writing down your top five priorities. Is there something on that list that can be switched out to prioritize your desire?
Be honest — like, really honest — with your partner about your needs and wants. Use “I” statements (think: I want to try…; I like it when…; etc.).
Typing...
Typing...
Next, ask your partner if they can support you. Give them actionable steps of what support looks like for you.
Then have them do the same.
So helpful. How should I take it to the next level?
Start by understanding that desire is healthy and can be accomplished on your own (even when you’re dating). But whether or not that’s not your *vibe,* practice safe intimacy.
Typing...
Think: Having an open dialogue with all your partners. And getting tested routinely.
Typing...
Be open with your partners and know that at any point you can change your mind and say no.
Got it. Any advice on what to keep in mind while I’m dating?
Typing...
Thank you. Any tips for how I can spice things up solo?
Start the converstation over.
When it comes to desire, finding the right question (and someone to answer them) can feel impossible. So Shani is answering some of your most intimate Qs.
Use the texting bot below to get her answers to
what’s on your mind. She’ll go first:
Keep a monthly mood tracker to keep track of how you feel and whether or not you achieved your desire that day. At the end of the month, take a look and see how your mood impacted your desire.
You’ve got a lot on your plate. And with so much on your to-do list, it can be hard to make time for intimacy and passion. (We know, but hear us out.) So this week, we’re giving you the resources and encouragement — because you need no permission — to put your desire first. And some expert advice to help start the year off with a bang.
Jump to top
Products you buy through our links may earn us a commission.
Home
Jump to top
Products you buy through our links may earn us a commission.
Afraid. I've had some bad experiences
So helpful. How should I take it to the next level?
Got it. Any advice on what to keep in mind while I’m dating?
Thank you. Any tips for how I can spice things up solo?
Select your response.
Sometimes it helps to work backwards and understand what you don’t desire. Think: not wanting to be touched in a certain area, or preferring to talk beforehand.
Typing...
Then ask yourself these questions: When was the last time you did an intimate activity and it made you happy? Why did that activity make you happy?
Typing...
Does that activity make you happy today? Why or why not?
Pretty lost, tbh
Effectively communicate with yourself about your needs and wants.
Typing...
Ask yourself about why you haven’t been prioritizing your desires (or parts of them).
Typing...
Try writing down your top five priorities. Is there something on that list that can be switched out to prioritize your desire?
Typing...
Make sure your goals can be broken into smaller steps.
Make sure you are taking the time to heal. Everyone’s journey (and timeline) is different.
Typing...
When you’re ready, exploring your desire on your own is a great place to start — especially if it’s new to you.
Afraid. I've had some bad experiences
What can I do to keep this momentum going?
Click below to continue.
What can I do to keep this momentum going?
Click below to continue.
What can I do to keep this momentum going?
Click below to continue.
Take care of your mental health. When we feel down, overwhelmed, irritated, stressed, or anxious this can decrease our desire drive.
Typing...
This can look like having a support system that listens, going to therapy, exercising, or DRINKING YOUR WATER — to name just a few.
What can I do to keep this momentum going?
Typing...
You’ve got this.
Home
Which one of these statements describes how you feel about desire or intimacy?
Afraid. I've had some bad experiences.
Then ask yourself these questions: When was the last time you did an intimate activity and it made you happy? Why did that activity make you happy?
Effectively communicate with yourself about your needs and wants.
Ask yourself about why you haven’t been prioritizing your desires (or parts of them).
I could kick things up a notch
Pretty lost, tbh
Basically smashing it, but I wouldn't mind a few tips
Create goals around your desire. The goals should be attainable, sustainable, and measurable.
Typing...
Typing...
Make sure your goals can be broken into smaller steps.
Maybe you want to have a conversation about desire with your partner weekly. Or you want to tap into your desire every 4 days.
Make sure you are taking the time to heal. Everyone’s journey (and timeline) is different.
Typing...
Typing...
When you’re ready, exploring your desire on your own is a great place to start — especially if it’s new to you.
Afraid. I've had some bad experiences.
What can I do to keep this momentum going?
Click below to continue.
What can I do to keep this momentum going?
Click below to continue.
Oooh, my favorite. Treat yo self. The way you would get ready for a date with someone else, do the same for you.
Get dressed up, eat some good food, light some candles, play some Marvin Gaye, and then explore.
What can I do to keep this momentum going?
Take care of your mental health. When we feel down, overwhelmed, irritated, stressed, or anxious this can decrease our desire drive.
Typing...
Typing...
You’ve got this.
This can look like having a support system that listens, going to therapy, exercising, or DRINKING YOUR WATER — to name just a few.
So helpful. How should I take it to the next level?
Got it. Any advice on what to keep
in mind while I’m dating?
Thank you. Any tips for how I can
spice things up solo?
Select your message.
So helpful. How should I take it to the next level?
Got it. Any advice on what to keep
in mind while I’m dating?
Thank you. Any tips for how I can
spice things up solo?
Select your message.
So helpful. How should I take it to the next level?
Got it. Any advice on what to keep
in mind while I’m dating?
Thank you. Any tips for how I can
spice things up solo?
Select your message.
So helpful. How should I take it to the next level?
Got it. Any advice on what to keep in mind while I’m dating?
Thank you. Any tips for how I can spice things up solo?
Select your response.
So helpful. How should I take it to the next level?
Got it. Any advice on what to keep in mind while I’m dating?
Thank you. Any tips for how I can spice things up solo?
Select your response.
So helpful. How should I take it to the next level?
Got it. Any advice on what to keep in mind while I’m dating?
Thank you. Any tips for how I can spice things up solo?
Select your response.
What can I do to keep this momentum going?
Click below to continue.
Restart